


Yearning

by Lilydancer



Series: Cum-Addict!Arthur-verse [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-10
Updated: 2010-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:50:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilydancer/pseuds/Lilydancer





	Yearning

  
**Title:** Yearning ****  
'Verse: Cum-addict!Arthur  
 **Rating** : NC-17  
 **Spoilers** : None.  
 **Warnings** : None  
 **Wordcount** : 4,059  
 **Summary** : Written for the following prompt at [](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/profile)[**kinkme_merlin**](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/) : _Arthur/Merlin, Arthur is a cum-addict because he's been sucking cock since he was young. Merlin tries to satisfy his cravings. Bonus points for a scene involving Merlin jerking off into Arthur's dinner and Arthur eating it with his fork and spoon. Would really love it if this plot remained in canon instead of AU or modern day._ Originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/kinkme_merlin/5454.html?thread=2129742#t2129742).  
 **Author's Notes** : Thanks to those who commented on the kink meme and especially to [](http://users.livejournal.com/tarot_card_/profile)[**tarot_card_**](http://users.livejournal.com/tarot_card_/) for hoping I would de-anon. Thanks also to the OP for the prompt!

 

Arthur watched from the window as Merlin trotted across the courtyard below, late getting back to Arthur but still pausing to talk to Gwen for a moment. Arthur couldn’t see Merlin’s face but guessed it would be open and cheerful, a little red from his semi-rush back and split by a friendly smile. Merlin was shaking his head, and Gwen laughed at whatever he said. At first Arthur had pretended not to understand how Merlin – bumbling, clumsy Merlin with no regard for his status whatsoever – could be so popular, but glimpses of Merlin like this, seeming so carefree and open, had caught his attention even when he’d wished for anyone else but Merlin to serve him. Who wouldn’t want to get to know someone so instantly friendly, who would stand up for anyone and seemed so honest and likeable?

 

Arthur knew Merlin was far less open than he appeared; had known it even before he’d really grown close to Merlin, or suspected it at least. He’d seen and heard things from Merlin that just hadn’t made sense; that felt like a puzzle with the last piece missing.

 

Perhaps it was more like the first piece missing, or the biggest piece. Merlin’s magic. The key to the code, as it were.

 

Watching Merlin wave to Gwen and head inside the castle, Arthur could understand how everyone was so taken in by Merlin. There was an easy innocence on the surface and even Arthur had not thought that what lay beneath could be anything like what it was. That had grated on Arthur at first; not only Merlin’s lies, but also the ease with which he had been deceived. It had wounded his pride but it had also scared him that he’d so happily bought into something that was all a charade.

 

And yet… even from a distance Arthur had seen that Merlin was more at ease now – less clumsy for one thing, and standing a little straighter, too, Arthur thought. There’d been little things everywhere to tell him something was wrong, if he’d cared to see them, he just hadn’t known what they’d meant. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to.

 

Arthur strode to sit at the table and pull some reports in front of him before Merlin reached his rooms. He was glancing through some advice about crop rotations, already commented on by his father, when Merlin entered and placed his dinner before him.

 

“Tidy my chambers will you Merlin?” said with a quick smile was all it took to coax another grin to Merlin’s face. Arthur watched from the corner of his eye as Merlin pottered about the room, piling shirts for the laundry and squinting under the bed to find Arthur’s other boot. The boot hopped out from under the bed into Merlin’s waiting hand; Merlin sneezed as a cloud of dust followed it but grumbled good-naturedly as he set about sweeping some of the dust away. Arthur was secretly fascinated by the little things here and there that Merlin did with magic – the boot, and getting the fire burning, and gently warming Arthur’s sheets without the need for hot stones. This was where he saw just how hard Merlin really found hiding his magic, because when he was using it for these little things, Arthur could see the slightly more relaxed line of Merlin’s shoulders, the way he moved just a little more smoothly and confidently. He seemed more at home in his own body now that Arthur knew his secret.

 

Arthur was equal parts terrified and relieved by Merlin’s more casual use of magic around him. He didn’t want Merlin to get caught – hated that Merlin was taking more risks by using his magic more, because even if it was just around Arthur that didn’t mean there was no chance of anyone else coming in and noticing something (although perhaps that fear was exaggerated since no-one but Merlin and Arthur would enter these rooms without knocking). At the same time, each small use of magic was a clear demonstration of Merlin’s trust in Arthur. And although he’d never admit it aloud, Arthur was also comforted to know that someone had his back; and not just any someone, not another Knight who was skilled but less so than Arthur, but Merlin, who had probably already succeeded in keeping Arthur safe more times than most of his Knights put together.

 

But Merlin was not the only person in the room to have hidden a secret. Maybe if Arthur hadn’t had his own, he would have found it harder to deal with discovering Merlin’s. If he’d had more of an inkling as to what Merlin’s secret was, he knew he probably would have pushed Merlin to tell him, would have asked and cajoled and teased and guessed until he hit on something. He’d have hated not knowing.

 

Merlin knew Arthur had his own secret. He even knew roughly what that secret pertained to. And yet he never pushed the issue; had commented on it once but had respected Arthur’s wishes and not brought it up again. Arthur was grateful. He could not imagine sharing his history with anyone, ever. It was humiliating and his behaviour had been unfit for a prince.

 

He sent Merlin to the kitchens with his empty dinner plates – he couldn’t even remember what he’d eaten, was barely even aware that he _had_ eaten – and an order to bring back strawberries. When the door closed, Arthur kept staring at it. He couldn’t imagine sharing his history. But with Merlin’s obvious trust and his own knowledge of Merlin’s secret, his past felt like a heavier burden than ever. He felt guilty that he could not repay Merlin’s trust in him. And Arthur wondered if maybe he also wanted to tell Merlin. Just maybe. Could Merlin accept him, past and all? Would he feel relieved if Merlin knew? Could he be more relaxed, more confident in himself, if he told Merlin, the way Merlin seemed to be now that he knew about the magic? Or was it different because of the different secrets?

 

When Merlin came back with a bowl of strawberries and a quietly concerned look on his face, Arthur pushed his thoughts aside. He’d asked for the strawberries for a reason and he preferred Merlin’s inane grin to the little frown and pout anyway. He stood briskly and sauntered over to stand in front of Merlin before the other man had even stepped away from the door. Gently sealing their lips together, Arthur licked his way into Merlin’s mouth for a few short moments before getting frustrated by the food between their bodies. Merlin chased Arthur’s mouth as he pulled away, but Arthur shook his head, smirking, and plucked a strawberry from the bowl. He sucked it between his lips and bit down slowly, savouring the way Merlin’s breath hitched and his eyes fixated on the fruit. Arthur offered the rest of the strawberry to Merlin as he chewed, and felt his cock stir as Merlin suckled on his fingers as well as taking the fruit into his mouth. He took advantage of Merlin’s full mouth to tug him and the bowl over to the bed and slip his hands beneath Merlin’s tunic to pull it over his head. He heard Merlin swallow hurriedly but paused to take in Merlin’s bare chest, mussed hair and blown pupils. Arthur fed Merlin another strawberry to distract him – they were Merlin’s favourite rare treat – while he jerked at the laces of Merlin’s breeches and let them fall to the ground.

 

Merlin blushed lightly as he stood naked before Arthur, who was still fully-clothed; Arthur had known his cheeks would be stained crimson and smiled at his success. He brought his mouth to Merlin’s, nipping lightly, teasingly, until Merlin pulled him closer and opened his mouth to Arthur’s tongue. Arthur could feel Merlin’s confusion in the tense grip of Merlin’s hand on his shoulder and his trust in the smile trying to escape around the kiss. It warmed him to know that even when Merlin didn’t quite follow what was going on, he trusted Arthur; but Arthur also knew that Merlin was still shy when it came to this, so he pulled back to explain. Reaching for the bowl resting on the bed, he trailed another strawberry along Merlin’s lips. Merlin was panting slightly, and Arthur felt a quiet pride at every rushed puff of air.

 

“I thought we could try something new,” he murmured, keeping his voice low and steady to try to convey calmness to Merlin (and also because he knew how Merlin’s cock twitched when he used that tone and volume to speak). Arthur waited to see if Merlin would want more information, letting the strawberry drop down from Merlin’s lips and over his chin and following its path with his eyes. He hummed lightly when Merlin couldn’t quite suppress a shiver and let Merlin lean into him to whisper his ‘okay’ against Arthur’s lips. Pulling Merlin flush against him, Arthur almost wished he were the one naked and feeling Merlin’s clothes against his proud cock, but changed his mind when Merlin bit his own lip at the sensation – seeing Merlin’s reaction was enough to make Arthur’s prick throb while the glimmer of future success made his breath stick in his throat. Merlin was beautiful when he let himself just react; when he forgot his embarrassment and just enjoyed. Arthur knew Merlin didn’t quite believe him on that yet (admittedly the precise word ‘beautiful’ had never crossed Arthur’s lips) but they’d come a long way and Merlin’s self-consciousness usually disintegrated once they got into the flow of things now.

 

Arthur enjoyed just kissing Merlin for a few moments before bringing the strawberry back into contact with Merlin’s skin. He awarded himself a bonus point when Merlin made a small noise in response but deepened the kiss rather than pulling back, and shifted slightly in Merlin’s arms so that he could skate the strawberry down the length of the other man’s back. Arthur pulled back from the kiss when he reached Merlin’s bottom and rubbed the soft, juicy fruit up and down along the gap between Merlin’s ass cheeks to let Merlin get an idea of what Arthur had in mind.

 

“You okay with this?”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes at that and Arthur knew he was probably being paranoid but anything here was not worth doing if Merlin didn’t want to do it too.

 

“You know I’d have told you by now if I wasn’t,” came the practised reassurance, and Arthur nodded because he did, really, but he had a hard enough time believing that Merlin hadn’t scarpered despite realising Arthur’s weakness for cum and he didn’t want to risk scaring Merlin off with anything else.

 

He suspected Merlin wouldn’t be too pleased to know Arthur thought he’d run off over something like this, though, so he dragged the sticky fruit round Merlin’s waist to his front and tumbled them both onto the bed. Settling himself on the soft sheets, he watched Merlin shuffle himself into a more comfortable position and returned to his task with the strawberry before Merlin could get self-conscious again. Arthur ran the strawberry up the length of Merlin’s cock, squeezing the fruit slightly to coat Merlin in its juices. He could sense Merlin’s intense gaze following the fruit, could hear Merlin’s breath try and fail to be steady, could see Merlin’s left hand curled in the think blankets. Mostly he could see the jump of Merlin’s cock each time the strawberry broke contact slightly and returned moments later. Arthur swallowed down the desire to take Merlin’s cock into his mouth already, promising himself that he would do so later, and focused on Merlin’s reactions to try and ease the growing ache for the taste of cum.

 

When Merlin started to tense, Arthur knew it was time to move on if he wanted the little sighs and pants to keep falling so delicately from Merlin’s lips. He ran the strawberry up to circle the tip of Merlin’s cock and grinned victoriously when a groan escaped into the air. Gently rolling the strawberry in Merlin’s pre-cum, he peeked up to see Merlin’s face flushed, mouth half-open and eyes hazy with lust. Arthur caught Merlin’s gaze before raising the strawberry to taste the combination of the sweet fruit and salty cum. Arthur could feel Merlin’s eyes on him but closed his own to savour the flavour. His breeches were tight and uncomfortable now, his skin crawling with heat, but he refused to move until he’d rolled the fruit around with his tongue, until he was sure he’d captured the aftertaste and there was no more to be had in that mouthful.

 

As he opened his eyes, suddenly Merlin’s hands were clamped to his skin, burnishing his flesh and sizzling everywhere they touched. Merlin pulled roughly at Arthur’s clothes, and they got tangled briefly as Arthur tried to help but they were each doing different things. Then Merlin was threading his hand into Arthur’s breeches and Arthur was the one whose breath was hitching as long fingers encased his cock and squeezed lightly. Arthur groaned but forced himself to pull back.

 

“Not yet,” he ordered. “I want… I want to try something else too.”

 

A brief look of frustration flashed across Merlin’s face but then it was gone as Arthur placed the other half of the strawberry between his lips and moved away to shed his breeches and grab some oil. He prepared Merlin quickly, heart pounding as he watched Merlin’s face flicker through pleasure and brief discomfort and back to pleasure. Arthur was starting to find the need for cum burning in the back of his mind too much and knew he was rushing but even his own climax did not seem so important as the thick, creamy texture and bitter taste of cum in his mouth. But, he wanted to see…

 

“Arthur.” Merlin’s hand caught Arthur’s wrist and wrapped warmly around the skin there. When Merlin pulled lightly, Arthur followed, allowing Merlin to draw him down. He could almost taste it, the longing was so strong, so vivid, and he just wanted cum, wanted to know he was good enough, that he was good for Merlin. Desperately wanted to know he could please Merlin as Merlin deserved. Needed to know that he could because Merlin had given him so much and Arthur didn’t know if he could give as much in return. Didn’t know if he could share his secret the way Merlin had. Maybe this was all he could do for Merlin, maybe he would never be able to repay Merlin.

 

“Arthur.” Merlin’s fingers on Arthur’s cheek cut through the haze and Arthur shuddered as he met Merlin’s gaze. He was mortified to feel the sting of tears prickling behind his eyes but Merlin looked calm and was speaking gently to him, and Arthur knew he should probably be listening. He tried to force himself to focus on the words and peer through the fog that filled his brain; clutched tight at Merlin’s hand as though that could anchor him.

 

“We can try whatever it is later, I don’t mind, Arthur. It’s okay. But right now-“ Merlin was flushed almost purple and Arthur managed to keep listening just because he’d never seen Merlin quite that colour before “-right now I really want to come and I think you want that too, and that’s okay.” Arthur didn’t think he’d ever heard Merlin talk so explicitly, but more importantly Merlin was saying it was okay and that was even more embarrassing because he shouldn’t _need_ this, should be able to just pleasure Merlin and do it right.

 

“You know I can’t keep quiet with your mouth on my…” Merlin had trailed off but Arthur was frozen, barely able to focus except that Merlin did like it, after all, when Arthur sucked him off, so maybe that was okay, at least Arthur hoped so because he really just wanted cum now, just wanted to know that he could pleasure Merlin and that he was good enough, and Merlin still wasn’t talking but guiding his head down and Arthur realised the other man was all but shoving his cock down Arthur’s throat.

 

And Arthur decided that since he knew Merlin liked this and since Merlin seemed a little bit desperate now, too, he should just do it.

 

“Please,” Merlin whispered, and Arthur couldn’t fight anymore. Not when he and Merlin seemed to want the same thing. So he lowered his head and took Merlin’s cock in his mouth, enjoying the feel of it thick and heavy between his lips. The taste of pre-cum was enough to take the edge off slightly now that Arthur knew it would lead to Merlin spilling down his throat. Arthur hummed lightly and revelled in the moans Merlin didn’t seem to be trying to repress. Merlin bucked up into his mouth and Arthur held his hips down but took him deeper anyway. He bobbed his head frantically as Merlin’s fingers tangled lightly in his hair. When Merlin’s cock pulsed and throbbed and poured cum down Arthur’s throat, Arthur just groaned and drank it all in, swallowed and swallowed until there was none left. He brought himself off with his own hand even though he knew Merlin preferred to take care of him and collapsed, shaking and embarrassed, on Merlin’s chest.

 

Merlin’s arms were gentle and soothing around him, and Arthur was vaguely aware that Merlin was still whispering reassuringly in his ear, telling him that it was alright and that he wouldn’t pry if Arthur didn’t want him to but was there if Arthur wanted to tell him what was wrong.

 

It was all Arthur could do not to cry, because deep down he knew what was wrong. Knew that he was so shaken because he could not return Merlin’s gifts to him. But Merlin was still there, and Arthur was too wrung-out to think too much on it. He calmed gradually and shifted some of his weight off Merlin. Sleep crept up on him as the intense emotion wore off but Merlin was still holding him close when he slipped into slumber.

 

**

 

When Arthur blinked awake the next morning, Merlin was still sleeping soundly. He’d obviously pulled the covers over them both before falling asleep, and had wrapped an arm securely around Arthur’s stomach. Arthur shifted and turned slowly to look at Merlin’s face, taking in the features and the slight frown that made Merlin look less peaceful than usual. Arthur hoped that wasn’t his fault. He pressed a tender kiss to Merlin’s forehead and the knot in his stomach eased somewhat when Merlin’s expression relaxed.

 

Arthur sighed heavily. He didn’t know if he could tell Merlin. But after last night… Arthur couldn’t remember ever feeling quite that desperate. Even when there was no-one he could go to…

 

It was difficult to lie still with the thoughts swarming in his head. Arthur wanted to get up but he knew if he got up now he wouldn’t come back unless he knew he could avoid telling Merlin. Pendragons did not run away. He was not a coward.

 

He didn’t know whether he wished Merlin were awake so he could get it over with or whether he wanted Merlin to sleep for a long time so he could put it off for longer.

 

Forcing himself to close his eyes and relax, Arthur alternated between trying to plan out what to say and trying not to think about it. He held tight to his vague memories of Merlin’s reassurances the night before – he couldn’t recall what they were, precisely, but he knew he’d felt reassured. Perhaps it would be okay. Merlin might be okay with it. Arthur hoped so. He didn’t know what he would do otherwise.

 

Arthur took a steadying breath, and drew on some of the techniques he used to stay calm and focused in a fight. He could do this. There couldn’t be a repeat of last night.

 

Merlin stirred next to him and Arthur’s heart lurched.

 

When Merlin’s eyes opened slowly, Arthur just tried to focus on breathing properly. Calmly.

 

Merlin smiled – a tiny, hesitant smile, reassuring – and Arthur did his best to smile back.

 

“You okay?” Merlin murmured, voice hoarse and low from sleep. Arthur started to nod on reflex but stopped himself. It was time to tell the truth.

 

He shook his head. “I…”

 

Merlin gently tugged Arthur close. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

 

Arthur knew he was shaking. Knew Merlin must be able to feel it. Took a deep breath to steady himself. He could do this.

 

“I know… I know you’ve wondered why I-“ Arthur swallowed. “-why I like cum so much.” His voice was low, quiet; he thought it would break and wobble if he spoke any louder. And he didn’t want anyone else to know – too ashamed, he still didn’t even believe he could tell Merlin really.

 

Merlin just held him. When Arthur stayed silent, he murmured, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

 

Arthur stared. Merlin was handling this a lot better than Arthur had handled discovering Merlin’s secret.

 

The circumstances were very different, though.

 

“I do want to.”

 

But again, Arthur couldn’t find the words. Merlin waited quietly, stroking his arms but not interrupting.

 

“I… When I was 13. There was this boy. Peter. He… taught me how to.”

 

Arthur stopped. Another deep breath. Glanced at Merlin and then turned his head to gaze upwards; easier than watching for Merlin’s disgust.

 

“When I’d had a bad day… I went to him. It was something I was never criticised for. That I was good at.”

 

Arthur chanced another peek at Merlin’s face, expecting some kind of reproach to show there. He found none; just concern and patient attention.

 

“He praised me. Made me feel proud. When my father… I would go to Peter. And it made me feel better.”

 

Merlin was still holding him lightly and stroking his arm. He hadn’t pulled away; if anything his hold was a little firmer.

 

“There were others, later. Peter had to leave and… so there were others. Until I was 15.”

 

Arthur surprised himself with the ease with which the words started to roll off his tongue. Now that he’d started, he couldn’t seem to stop; he told Merlin about the other men, about the blind prostitute, about using his own cum as a substitute. And Merlin listened, and didn’t interrupt, and when he was finished Arthur realised he couldn’t remember Merlin ever being so quiet except when Will had died. But before Arthur had time to worry over that, to worry that Merlin would reject him now and was mourning the end of their relationship, Merlin was there, thanking Arthur for telling him and whispering comfort against Arthur’s skin.

 

And he knew. Merlin knew. And he wasn’t leaving. He wasn’t disgusted. He was just there, and he was Merlin. And Arthur thought he might understand, now, why Merlin had seemed more comfortable after Arthur had found out about his magic, because it was a relief. To not have to hide anymore. To not have to worry about what the reaction would be. To just be.

 

And Arthur clung to Merlin and kissed him frantically, needing to be sure this was real. Merlin gentled the kiss, soothing, and it was too perfect. This couldn’t be real. Merlin couldn’t be so understanding.

 

Except that he was. Arthur couldn’t understand it – wouldn’t honestly have thought Merlin capable of responding so wisely and calmly.

 

And Merlin wasn’t, completely. Over the coming days, there would be times when Merlin would be jealous and insecure and worry that he wasn’t giving Arthur enough. There would be times when he wouldn’t feel able to measure up to the people Arthur had found so long ago.

 

But, slowly, things would even out. And they would know each other better and accept each other more. The secrets between them were just another reason for each to keep the other safe.

 

For now, though, the sun was barely cresting the horizon and they were both tired from the previous night and the morning’s revelations. They shared lazy kisses and languished in the other’s embrace until Merlin drifted into sleep and Arthur followed.  
  



End file.
